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<title>i think i've seen this film before (and i didn't like the ending) by okaylupins</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25991218">i think i've seen this film before (and i didn't like the ending)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaylupins/pseuds/okaylupins'>okaylupins</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Inspired by Divergent, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation, bellamy is a disciple, set somewhere during season 7, void!bellamy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:42:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,782</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25991218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaylupins/pseuds/okaylupins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>in which he isn't her bellamy and she tries to get him back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i think i've seen this film before (and i didn't like the ending)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her heart hammered in her chest as she ran, alarms blaring in her ears, everything around her a blur. Clarke had to find Bellamy and get out of there before these people got ahold of her.</p><p>She let out a hitched breath through her clenched teeth at the thought of the curly-haired brunette. What if they had done something to him? What if they had killed him?</p><p><em>No, </em>The blond quickly shook the absurd thought out of her head, <em>Bellamy's a fighter, he's smart. He would've found a way to stay alive</em>. Though, as much as she tried to tell herself that, she couldn't ignore the doubt eating its way through the back of her head. She refused to let herself believe that he really was dead because if God, she wouldn't know what to do with herself, she would be a mess.</p><p>Biting her lip anxiously, ignoring the stinging feeling of blood oozing ouy, she reached a room that Raven had used the Bardo suit to find. He has to be here. He has to. Not wasting any time, the girl extended her arm, placing a keycard she had stolen from one of the guards on the identity scanner. Sure enough, the door swung open. </p><p>Clarke hesitated for a moment before stepping inside, it was a room with a long armchair and a machine that she didn't recognise next to it. Memories of Mount Weather came flooding back into her head, the same chairs she had watched her friends being drilled into that forced her to kill 200 innocent people. Was it even worth it now that most of the people she convinced herself she had saved were dead anyway? Jasper, Harper, Monty, Kane, her Mother. </p><p>"Hello, Clarke."</p><p>Nostalgia faded away in an instant and the horrors of Mount Weather were pushed back to the darkest places of her mind. She spun around on her heels and felt a load of bricks be lifted of her shoulders. That voice, she knew that voice. It was his voice.</p><p>Bellamy's voice.</p><p>Just as she anticipated, he was standing there, dressed in white which was unusual but Clarke didn't care because he was alive. Her Bellamy was still alive. She didn't even realise how much she missed him, how much she needed him, until she lost him. Her eyes started at his shoes, assessing all his features. Slowly, she moved up to his torso and then his face. She frowned.</p><p>Something was wrong, something was different.</p><p>He looked like her Bellamy, yes. His chiseled jaw and defined nose were still the same. His chestnut skin scattered with dark freckles were still there. His beard had been shaved and his dark curls were let out freely now, she had to admit it suited him better and flattered his features more but it wasn't that that was truly different.</p><p>Clarke looked at his eyes which still had the same thick, rich lashes fluttering against then. Then she noticed what it was, there was something in his eyes that were different. The warm chocolate brown colour was still the same but it was stony, cold; rigid. </p><p>Where were the deep, insightful eyes that made her heart skip a beat everytime? Where were they? Where was her Bellamy?</p><p>"Bellamy?" Her voice almost came out as a croak as she tried out how the name felt directed to—to this man who bore the face of Bellamy Blake. She tried to ignore how much she loved saying his name, something about the way it felt soft on her tongue and the end of the word came out of her lips easily just felt... right. </p><p>"Yes, Clarke. It's me," he spoke with an out of character smile taking over his features. Clarke had to admit that she almost fell for it. Goddamn his manly charms. Goddamn his face. Goddamn his smile, that damn smile. "You don't understand how good it is to see you."</p><p>His words were monotone, there was no sign of emotion or anything even remotely humane and that scared her, that scared Clarke Griffin. Everytime she looked up at his eyes she wanted to yell, kick and scream all at once. The people there had done something to him. </p><p>Then, he stepped forwards. At the realisation that this wasn't Bellamy anymore she stepped back, eyes widening in a vulnerable moment of fear. She was scared. Not for herself, no, for Bellamy. How much of him was left under the stony face that once bore a clear slate of emotions. She was scared he was gone.</p><p>"Clarke?" He took another step and she took another step back, this time her back hit something, a table, causing a clattering sound as all the equipment fell to the floor.</p><p>It seemed that was enough for Bellamy and Clarke had noticed this, so she lashed out, kneeing him in his chest so he staggered backwards and lost his balance. The blonde threw up her fist in an attempt to hit his head on the wall so he would fall unconscious.</p><p>Unfortunately, he seemed to have caught on by now and grabbed her arm before she could do so, hurling his weight and forcing her to hit the back of the wall. A pained groan escaped Clarke's lips while she struggled to get out of Bellamy's grip, but he was stronger than her and they both knew it.</p><p>"Nice try, Princess," he spat, venom lacing his words as he spoke and a mockery grin spread on his face, seeming like he enjoued bringing back the once playful nickname that she hadn't heart in so long and using it in an attempt to mock her. "I taught you that move, it's honestly laughable that you thought you could take on me."</p><p>"Bellamy, please, this isn't yo—"</p><p>"Oh, spare me the sappy crap, Wanheda. This is me, the real me. Now I can see what you truly are, a killer, a liar, a manipulater," he spat, fury crossing his features as his grip on her tightened, "You left me! You were willing to leave me multiple times! You don't care about anyone but yourself! You're nothing, Clarke. You're dead to me."</p><p>It was funny how a few words could make a person's heart tear in two. Maybe a part of Clarke had always known that was the truth, that she really was a killer; a monster. But hearing it from Bellamy wasn't the same as hearing it from eveyone else. Just like that, anything she wanted to say died on her tongue and all logical thinking left her as she dawdled on what he was saying.</p><p>"You're a monster."</p><p>"Please," she whispered, failing to stand her ground and have a confident tone, "you know that's not true."</p><p>He laughed. He just laughed — a laugh of disbelief at her stupidity. "It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than you're trying convincing me."</p><p>"Bellamy..."</p><p>"Shut up, you don't deserve to speak." And suddenly, there was a gun. A cold surface pressing against the tender skin of her forehead. His fingers lingering on the trigger. "You don't deserve to have any last words before you die."</p><p>As she let the words sink in, she realised she was never truly scared. Not of death, at least. If this is what he needed to be at peace, then so be it. She didn't know what was more surprising, the fact that she was giving up or the fact that she had accepted that she would be nothing more than a corpse — a scorned memory — in a few seconds.</p><p>"It's okay," she whispered.</p><p>"What?" There it was, a flash of confusion that toom over his features, brows furrowing as if he hadn't expected that she would say that.</p><p>"I said it's okay. It's okay, Bellamy, it's okay. It's okay. I love you. It's okay," Her eyes had fluttered shut for only a second, visible tears streaming down her cheeks as she did so. Feeling the cold end of the gun pressing harder against her head.</p><p>"Shut up," he grumbles and Clarke hears it. She heard the millisecond of vulnerability in his voice. She heard it. He was still there. She sees the way there's a war in his eyes. She sees it.</p><p>She looks at him through her lashes, brimmed with tears. He was looking away and the grip on the gun had gotten tighter, his palms were becoming yellow as he held on harder each second. "Hey, it's okay. I understand. I want you to know I don't blame you. It's okay, Bellamy. It's okay, I love you. It's okay."</p><p>"Shut up!"</p><p>"Look at me, Bellamy, look at me," she chokes out, bottom lip quivering as she spoke with a hushed voice. "It's me, it's me, it's me. It's okay."</p><p>"I said, SHUT UP!!" Bellamy yelled, his voice cracking, still loooking away. She could feel the gun shaking against her head while he tried to fight off the part of him that was real. The real Bellamy.</p><p>"Look at me! Look at me, Bellamy!" Clarke brought her hands up and held his chin gently, turning his face so that he was looking at her. His eyes were flooding with different emotions, part of his conscious screaming at him to pull the trigger and kill her and the other desperately screaming not to. She placed her other hand againdt his cheek, cupping it affectionately. "It's me! It's me!"</p><p>For the first time, he looked at her. He really looked at her. He saw her, broken and desperate. She needed him.</p><p>For a split second his eyes fluttered shut and opened again. His body stiffens as his grip from her loosens. She hears a thud of the gun hitting the floor. She wraps her arms around him, burying her face into the crook of his neck like they always do. His heart beats faster against hers. </p><p>"Clarke?" He manages to choke out, body suddenly melting into hers, and she knows it's him. It's really her Bellamy.</p><p>He returns the embrace, picking her up ever so slightly, grasping onto her tightly like she was his whole world.</p><p>(She was.)</p><p>After a few more seconds of merely enjoying the familiar feeling of being in each other's arms, they pull away. He looks down and stares at her, fingers brushing her cheek and lips, lighting up fireworks in her body. Clarke leans against him, with a shuddering breath.</p><p>"How did you do it?" Clarke murmurs, lips brushing his neck before she looks up at him and that brown eyed gaze, hands on his chest to support herself. </p><p>"I don't know," he whispered, "I just heard your voice."</p><p>(He always heard her voice.) </p>
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